January 26, 2020

Beware, The Devil Is In The Potato Salad: How Toxic People Are Like Rotting Potatoes

And Insult To Potatoes Everywhere

It’s a well known fact in the Low Carb & Keto communities that potatoes are anathema. It is often said that the deleterious effects of consuming potatoes can be far worse for those with insulin sensitivity than putting one’s face down in a bowl of granulated sugar. Supposedly, that’s because the potato’s effects are much longer lasting than sugar, wreaking more metabolic havoc over a longer sustained period of time.

I ran across an article about this recently. As I was reading it, my humor imp started pointing out the similarities between the dangers of consuming contaminated potatoes and the dangers of living with/being around toxic people on a consistent basis. Very intriguing. Take the following for example:

  1. Both potatoes and toxic people are very comfortable existing in dark subterranean environments. In other words, both of them are comfortable down in the muck and mire—wallowing in the slimy dirt along with creepy crawly things like bugs, worms, and maggots.
  2. Next, you can’t use either of them until after you’ve picked them up, dusted them off, and cleaned them up.
  3. Furthermore, potatoes and toxic people have a deceptively dangerous high glycemic index. Both deliver an immediate rush of carbohydrate. In the case of toxic people, they often deliver an immediate [but fake] syrupy sweetness that feigns love and devotion to the untrained eye—followed by a precipitous and nasty crash.
  4. Either of them—if consumed in excess–tears down your defense mechanisms and natural immunity.
  5. And finally, partaking of either of them over a long term a basis can leave a person exhausted—in adrenal collapse. Often medication may be needed to get one’s  metabolism [or emotions] back into balance.

A Lurking Danger

Another surprising fact I learned from this article was that more human fatalities have occurred from consuming contaminated potatoes than any other food or food group. With that said, I’ll step back and let you draw your own corollary here about toxic people and their role in emotional well being fatalities.

Potatoes contain a toxin substance called glycoalkaloids. Although this chemical is toxic to humans, it works well for the toxic potatoes as it protects them from their own nasty environment down there in the dirt. This deadly outer coating [the outside skin of the potato, or the fake mask/outward persona of a toxic individual] when ingested or encountered by those of us not accustomed to living underground, can create some nasty holes in the gut.

Is it any reason why overdose and long term exposure to that crazy boss, those backstabbing coworkers, your narcissistic spouse, or any of a number of other wing-nuts you may come in contact on a daily basis can leave you feeling like you have a gaping hole in the gut?

Studies have shown that potatoes also contain another irritating substance called lechtins. Lechtins have the ability to irritate and compromise the entire immune system, resulting in a state of hypersentivity. I found that to be an interesting corollary to living with a toxic individual—always walking on egg shells and coping by being in a persistent state of hypersensitivity and hypervigilance. These hypervigilant states often continue long after the exposure to the toxic offender has ended. I could go on, but suffice it to say that I believe there is an undeniable connection between bad potatoes and bad people in my humorous monkey mind.

My Advice To Potato Lovers Everywhere

The takeaway here is that if you too have come in contact with the dreaded Potato Bug, you’re in good company. If you’re one of the lucky ones and you haven’t experienced it, be wise and arm yourself with knowledge. When you first start smelling that stinky potato smell in your pantry—or you notice those tentacles starting to grow—know this:

  1. It’s nothing personal, sweetie. All nasty nightshades are uncomfortable existing above the ground for very long–whether they are stem tubers or toxic people.
  2. Be aware that once toxic potatoes or toxic people start sprouting ‘eyes’ they become even more toxic. They may be getting long in the tooth and somehow sense that the gig’s about to be up. When this happens, they must desperately start looking for other night creatures like themselves to bolster them—lest they shrivel up and die.

Power Of Attraction

So, should you discover that your resident ‘Spud’ has found a similar suitable dirt dweller/night creature like themselves while wriggling around under the dirt, do yourself a favor—help him [or her] along … Offer to help them pack … Call the moving company for them … Hey, why not be a doll and go the extra mile … Show your love and concern by scheduling the Uber for the ride to the airport for them … And don’t feel the least bit bad about it, darlin’.

The Wild Ride Back To Homeostasis

And finally, know this: any strange ‘reactions’ that you might have [such as blubbering, crying, and acting like a fool at first] are only artifacts of the rollercoaster highs and lows that your endocrine system has been through, having been exposed to his/her toxic substances over such a long period of time.

Then Kick Back And Relax!

The good news is that after a sufficient period of No Contact, your stress levels will self-regulate back to a new normal. I assure you that—as a human born to live above the ground—once you’re free of your toxic tuber for a while, you’ll no longer have that gnawing pain in your gut. And best of all, you’ll be able to live free of that annoying crunching sound from walking on all those eggshells all that time!

So how would you like your potatoes? Boiled? Fried? Au Grautin? Me? Well, I prefer mashing them.

Written in 2016. Originally posted in another blog.


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