February 24, 2020

My Creativity Gene

Fools are my themes. Let satire be my song. ~ Lord Byron

Van Gogh, Not!

Despite being unable to draw a decent stick figure, I discovered over the last few years that I’m a tad bit creative.

As a very visual thinker, when I hear songs and the lyrics speak to me, my mind can’t help but ‘see’ what I imagine to be the artists’ inspiration. I love making songs into fully illustrated lyric videos. To date, I’ve probably made over 500 of them.

Well, after finding myself locked in a state of deep depression and not-able-to-feel nothingness for so long, my new found obsessive interest in video creation rewarded me with a surge of much needed energy.

It was such a welcome feeling. If nothing else, it served as a very eager motivation to get up and dressed every day.

Like a painter inspired by a beautiful landscape, I set about making tangible what still existed only in my mind. 

How This Happened

One day I was suffering from a bad case of writer’s block. It was then that I happened to notice that my computer and IPad both came loaded with movie making software already installed.

I’d never explored either of those these programs. I assumed that they were only for wool-cap-wearing young kids with horned rimmed glasses and beards.

With no writing inspiration and nothing else better to do, I opened those programs and began to explore.

After that I popped over to Dr. Google and started doing some reading on those programs. I then bounced over to YouTube and located a wealth of ‘for dummies’ tutorials.

Armed with a still very cursory understanding of what I’d read, I wondered what would happen if I took a few still photos that most closely represented what I ‘saw’ in my mind, and matched the timing and transitions of those photos to the music.

Loading thoughts into RAM … Processing …

The Starting Bell

That ignited my passion for making videos and illustrating memes. It was off to the races from there.

As a displaced wife with no home, I made song after song, each one intended to provide the soundtrack to my online documentary—from my car. Each one conveyed a state of mind or a deep feeling that I was having at particular mile markers in my journey.

Simply out, my songs spoke for me at a time when I was very closed down and verbally constipated.

You Use What You Have At The Time

Finding the diversion of music was an important tool for me in my trauma recovery process.

My real life reality was extremely harsh. I was jarringly traumatized and deathly lonely and numb. However, by making videos, I was able to make and play back self-edited alternate reality films to reprogram my brain.

My mother used to tell me that ‘poor people have poor ways’. Destitute, I had to grab the only untapped tool I had left to try to survive. And by using my God-given gift of creativity, I was able to go to many places and experience many things—all without leaving the cocooned safety of where I was sitting.

As my moods and thoughts changed, so did my videos.

I visited different eras and better times, comforting myself by reminiscing about how my life was before I met my ex, and before I became aware of such harsh truths.

At other times, my video making provided me with the vehicle to safely speak up and vent the anger I needed to express by mocking my enemies. Other videos allowed me to indulge my still-naive romantic notions (read:thawing out denial) and wax philosophical. Through video, I was even able to go places that I would never be able to visit in real life.

The bottom line is that we are all creative in some way. It just takes different circumstances to force some of us to tap into it. We must use those gifts because they work against us if we don’t.

Unused creativity is not benign. It metastasizes. It turns into grief, rage, judgment, sorrow, shame. `Brene Brown

End Of An Epoch

I’ll end with one of those old videos. This one (as becomes obvious rather quickly) is my take on the ending of the 29 year epoch known as my marriage to my husband. I chose to focus on the aspect of the Machiavellian games he played.

I love this great classic by Alan Parsons.


%d bloggers like this: