Schticks And Stones

One of the things my ex husband always joked about was wanting a boat. It was our private humor. Everyone who knew us heard us engage in this schtick at one time or another throughout the years.

Whenever we were on the highway and he saw a boat being hauled on a trailer—or whenever he saw a boat parked on someone’s property [and not being used] he’d slip into a child-like voice and whine: “Honey, look. He’s got a boat“.

Sometimes, he’d even add, “You know, if you were a ‘good’ wife, you’d buy me a boat.

Well, not to be outdone, I usually replied, “Well, that’s probably because he is good to his wife. If you were a ‘good’ husband, you’d no doubt have a boat by now.”

Picture This

A while back, someone showed me a picture of the woman that my husband ran off with and subsequently married. In the picture, the location looks to be either a riverbank where my husband and his dad used to go fishing every year, or possibly a boat launch on one of the lakes they call ‘Great’. In this picture, this woman is standing in front of boat with an Evinrude motor. She is standing with her left arm raised, resting conspicuously on the side of the boat.

And In This Corner, The Winner Is …

Honestly, I have to tip my hat to this woman. Come on! I mean, really?! … This wasn’t even a fair fight. LOL. In all my glory days—even when I was young and in my prime—I was never a match for a woman with access to a boat with an Evinrude outboard motor! LOL

Whoa! I gotta hand it to her; this woman pulled out the big guns. She musta wanted him bad!.  Yep, Boat Lady there pulled out the kryptonite and brought my ex Superman to his knees. What woman can go up against something like that to keep her man?! Smile.

My Parting Note To Ms. Kryptonite

P.S. Long story short, Ms. Evinrude …. Please know that all sales are final, my dear … There will be no exchanges—and no take backs. Like the vintage Toyota commercial said: ‘You asked for it, you got it!’ …

My message to you is: You wanted him; you got him.’

Yes, indeed, my lady. Sweet Cheeks is all yours … for time and eternity … ‘for better or worse’ [wink wink—good luck with that] …  And by now, you, as much as anyone, probably have an idea which one it’s more likely. His track record ‘aint’ that good. But then, you knew that beforehand, and left with him anyway. Enjoy!

P.S. A Word To The Wise

Oh yeah, one more thing—a little unsolicited advice—from one woman to another. You might want to sleep with one eye open. I have it on good authority that Evinrude brings out newer models every year or so. This might pose a problem for you down the line.

I mean, who’s to say that some other woman living in or around The Lake won’t get herself a newer shinier boat—with multiple motors? That might not bode well for you—at least, given his illustrious past.

Face Palm! Oh, what am I thinking?!

Being the astute world-traveling business woman that you are, I’m sure you had the forethought and proper boundaries to insist on an iron-clad pre-nup before you said ‘I do’ to Dear Runaway Romeo there.

But yet again, what am I thinking? He might not take your name off the joint accounts and abscond with your money like he did me. But then, I’m just speaking, based on my experience.

Your mileage may vary. [Wink. Wink.]