February 17, 2020

Hear Ye This!

May I Have Everyone’s Attention?

I want anyone who reads this to know that by humorously telling my story, I am NOT in any way minimizing the pain that occurs in ghosting, unexpected divorces, or malignant narcissistic abuse.

If you choose to stick around and read my essays (many of them will be humor) please know that I lived my own nightmare of epic proportions. And because of that nightmare, no one has more empathy for the targets of disordered individuals than I do.

In The Beginning

Prior to any of this happening, I led a pretty sheltered life. I had no frame of reference against which to deal with the seedy underbelly of humanity that I was about to come in contact with.

Due to my deficit of street smarts, for the first few years after being ghosted by my long-term husband, I existed as this shell-shocked emotionally-broken person that no one could even recognize.

In other words, my affable happy-go-lucky me had been murdered. My professional ‘gravitas’ was gone as my mind became obsessed, ruminating on the ‘why’? of it all—24X7.

Stuck In Stupid

I am stubborn person, not one to be duped without knowing the why of a situation.

Because of this, having this crazy mind set made me even more hell-bent on making sense of the betrayal I was encountering on all fronts.

I simply couldn’t move on or help myself. That was, until I came to grips with the fact that you can’t figure out crazy. I had to learn the VERY hard way that insisting on walking a path of continued insistence on understanding and rectification (of something there is no sane answer to) only makes YOU stupid.

I was—as Dr. Phil says—perpetually ‘Stuck in stupid’.

I Don’t Care Anymore

But then something wonderful happened. Everything suddenly changed.

Miraculously, I began learning how to interrupt the thought process of so willingly entertaining the painful loop of worrying what people thought. It didn’t happen overnight, but I noticed that I cared less each day whether people believed the smear campaign bein waged against me me by my ex husband and  his enlisted flying monkeys.

It is a beeee—-uuu—teee—ful thing when you finally come down with a case of The Don’t-Cares.

It takes a wile, but hang on.  Fight with all that’s in you to keep your locus of control inside yourself.

Slap yourself silly with whatever works for you—in my case music. Do whatever you have to to stop giving your power away to others and letting their opinions of you cause static on your mental airwaves.



I Don’t Care Anymore, By Phil Collins


Lyrics
Well you can tell everyone I’m a downed disgrace
Drag my name all over the place
I don’t care anymore
You can tell everybody ’bout the state I’m in
You won’t catch me crying ’cause I just can’t win
I don’t care anymore, I don’t care anymore
I don’t care what you say
I don’t play the same games you play
..
‘Cause I’ve been talking to the people that your calling friends
And it seems to me there’s a means to an end
They don’t care anymore
And as for me I can sit here and bide my time
I got nothing to lose if I speak my mind
I don’t care anymore, I don’t care no more
I don’t care what you say
We never played by the same rules anyway
I won’t be there anymore
Get out of my way
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don’t care anymore, I don’t care anymore
I don’t care anymore, I don’t care anymore
..
Well, I don’t care now what you say
‘Cause every day I’m feeling fine with myself
And I don’t care now what you say
Hey, I’ll do alright by myself
‘Cause I know
‘Cause I remember all the times I tried so hard
And you laughed in my face ’cause you held all the cards
I don’t care anymore

And I really ain’t bothered what you think of me
‘Cause all I want of you is just a let me be
I don’t care anymore, d’you hear? I don’t care no more
I don’t care what you say
I never did believe you much anyway
I won’t be there no more
So get out of my way
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don’t care anymore

D’you hear? I don’t care anymore
I don’t care no more
You listening? I don’t care no more
No more!
You know I don’t care anymore!
Don’t care no more! No more, no more, no more
Don’t care, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more
..
Songwriters: Phil Collins
I Don’t Care Anymore lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Concord Music Publishing LLC

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